The Miracle Question

I often get asked "How does therapy work? How does it actually help people?" If I am at a party the answer is typically, "Well, I rely on my trusty magic wand and the rest just happens." If I am talking to a potential client, I am honest and explain it's not magic but starts by believing that change is possible and can begin right away.

The "As If" principle in the field of psychology shows that you can become the change you want by acting AS IF the change has already occurred. Another way to describe this pathway to change is "act your way to a desired change in how you feel, don't wait to feel differently to act differently." (Side note: this approach is not as appropriate with healing deep wounds like trauma or grief).

In Solution Focused Therapy that principle is put into action through what is known as the "miracle question." It goes like this: "Suppose tonight, while you are asleep, a miracle happens and the problem that you are struggling with is improved or even solved. When you wake up tomorrow, what is the first small sign you will notice that tells you a miracle has occurred?" This powerful question instills confidence and hope in the client as they describe in detail the scene they bring to life in their answer.

Try it. Identify a problem you are struggling with and ask yourself the miracle question. Answer by speaking out loud---words are key. Describe specific details. Vague thoughts don't translate well into action.

What happens next can be amazing. Here is an example of the answer to the miracle question from one of my clients who struggles with depression: "While I'm still lying in bed in the morning I will not immediately think about everything I am dreading, everything that I will screw up, and all the people who don't like me." This is typical, we tend to first describe what we will not be doing, not be saying, or not be feeling. However it is important to describe what you will do, will say, will feel instead.

I replied, "Great----what will you be thinking about instead?" She paused, and said, "I will think about how content I feel and that I'm actually looking forward to my day."

To make change happen, one must describe small, clear, actionable steps. So I said, "That sounds optimistic. As you are feeling this way, what will you be doing?"

She replied, "I might tickle my husband before I get up, and he will start laughing, and I will kiss him. My first grader will hear my husband laughing and come into our room and jump on the bed and laugh with us too. I will get up in a good mood."

After she described this scenario, she teared up and said, "It's been a long time since that scene has happened." I asked, "How do you feel inside as you see yourself in that scene? "I feel lighter," she replied after a pause, and "hopeful."

I wasn't surprised. We feel more certain that change is possible when we describe it in small, doable steps. Even better when the steps described are not unattainable, but as an achievable future.

"That must feel good! Can you experiment with this a few times in the coming week and notice what happens?" When she returned she told me about a series of small but powerful changes in her daily thought patterns that had lifted her mood and gave her "breaks" from her depression.

Here is how I recently used this "as if" strategy: I have been dreading my morning runs. When I think about a run the night before I wish the weather would prevent me from going. I treat my run as something to just grind through and check off my list. It hangs over my head and causes me to be irritable. So I used the miracle question and shifted my thinking the night before my next run. "I will wake up tomorrow cheerful about my run, I will feel grateful that I can still run at my age, I will encourage myself positively, and I will enjoy the sun on my face, the emerald green of the trees, and the cheerful sound of the birds."

The next morning, that is exactly what I did. I didn't feel it before I did it. But as I did it I felt different. Better. It was a small but mighty miracle.