Go Gently Through Your Day

My client---a harried working mother of twins---collapsed onto my couch and gave a long exhale. "I'm exhausted, simply tapped out. I feel like I keep trying to move faster, more efficiently to get everything done in a day, but I can never get there. I can't keep going on like this! Maybe I just need to be better organized? What am I doing wrong?"

Sound familiar? It's the mantra of our culture---squeezing more into our week, our day, an hour, even a minute. At some point it can feel unsustainable.

Pushing, pushing, pushing leaves little room for peace. But we can choose a different way to move through our day. We can choose to accomplish more or enjoy life more. Being more gentle with ourselves is a way toward more peace.

I asked her, "Is everything that you push to accomplish most days actually important to get done?" She paused and said, "I used to think so, and prided myself on getting it all done by the end of the day. But for a long time now I've been crabby, overwhelmed, and no fun to be around. I can't even stand myself. If my list isn't done, I feel like a failure. If my list gets done, I feel completely spent with nothing to give my family, much less to myself. I can't seem to win either way."

What if we change the definition of winning our day? Change the definition of failing the day?

What if we instead see a "win" as being more gentle and less pushy---even if that means not getting everything done on our list? Being more moderate in our striving? What would that be like? It could mean being kinder to yourself. Getting support. Allowing yourself to ask for help. Asking your higher power to help you discern what is truly important and what you can let go of. Maybe that results in putting a few less things on the list. Don't let the list own you. YOU own the list.

As you practice treating yourself more gently, you start to feel less overwhelmed. You feel more peaceful.

However, the brain is not wired for peace, it is wired for survival. When we pursue getting the list done--doing all the things---as the way to successfully survive the day, we miss the opportunity for peace, and the contentment that flows from more peaceful living. Ahhh, that's more of what my client was seeking, and what we all long for.

Good news---the brain can change its wiring. The brain responds to what we pay attention to and what we practice over and over again.

When we pay attention to treating ourselves more gently, we win the day. We win peace.