How to do hard things?

Recently one of my clients came to see me for help with something she thought she could figure out on her own but decided some help was in order. She told me she was struggling with making herself do something hard, something she had been "dreading," something she thought she should do, but couldn't get herself to do it.

I said, "Well, good job, you already have taken the first step by giving yourself permission to ask for help! We are not meant to do hard things alone."

"We're not? I feel like such a lazy slacker that I just can't make myself Get.This.Thing. Done," she replied incredulously. "Nope, it is always a good idea to ask for help," I replied.

"Second step is to not shame yourself into doing a hard thing by calling yourself names," I said with a smile. "Build yourself up, don't tear yourself down."

I went on to suggest, "Lean into that thing just a bit. Put your toe into the process and see how it feels. Give yourself permission to take your toe out and see if your intuition tells you to go back in. You might be surprised. Sometimes when we force ourselves, the oppositional adolescent inside of us rebels just for the sake of rebelling." She laughed and said, "That's me! But don't tell my teenager that I'm more like her than I care to admit."

I chuckled too, and said, "Yes, and here is another strategy that works when we feel oppositional---make the psychological switch from "I have to" to "I get to!" Shifting your thinking to view a challenge as a privilege rather than an onerous burden is a game changer." My client was quiet and then asked, "Okay...but isn't that playing mind games with myself?" I said, "Well, our minds like to play games with us all the time. We can play their game, too. And it works." She laughed and said, "Ok, well that sounds potentially fun."

"Exactly," I replied, "focus on the journey---find the fun pieces in the moment---rather than focusing only on the outcome. At the beginning of doing a hard thing, the goal can seem so far away, not to mention bloody hard. And give yourself lots of pats on the back as you take each small step. We are like puppies---we respond to treats and praise." She mischievously said, "Hmmm, I didn't expect you to say that I am like my dog!" Then she took a deep breath and exhale and said, "All of this is the opposite of how I typically approach something hard. But I'll give it a try."

That's how we can work toward accomplishing hard things. And the gift is that we learn a lot about ourselves on the journey. More on that in another post.