Changed

Recently a dear friend asked me how I was doing as the anniversary date of our son Ethan's passing due to an overdose on December 27 is approaching. I took a breath, and started to reply, and then I stopped. "It's always terrible as this date approaches, I'm so grief stricken" was what I was about to say---it's what I typically feel at this time---but I realized suddenly this wasn't all I feel now. I closed my mouth and sat still, experiencing this awareness as a surprise, even a shock.

Hmm. Wow. I opened my mouth again to reply, but nothing came out. If I don't feel that way, then what do I feel? She waited, looking at me patiently--such a gift. "I feel sad, because I miss my son---I miss him every day---but after nine years I think I'm living a new normal that isn't full of such wrenching grief. I am more connected to my love for Ethan, remembering the good things about him--his generosity, his humor, his passionate nature, his deeply felt sense of life, his love for music---and less remembering the years of his addiction breaking him down...." My friend smiled and softly said, "That is love coming through and healing your broken heart."

A new "normal." After losing a child one never goes back to the way things were. One needs to find a new way forward---at first just to simply survive, then to cope and live again, then maybe even thrive. These past nine years, I have worked so hard to keep moving toward healing, which I describe in detail in my memoir "Spirit Son: A Mother's Journey to Reconnect with Her Son After His Death From Heroin Overdose" https://www.amazon.com/Spirit-Son-Mothers-Reconnect-Overdose/dp/1645381552, that I seem to have missed noticing how steadily joy and peace and serenity have actually settled in and filled my heart until my friend asked me how I was doing!

From this lovely change in my heart, I am asking you, dear readers, to consider joining us in a change in our fundraising efforts in honor of our son's fight against addiction. Many of you supported our event Ethan's Run Against Addiction (ERAA). We are so excited to support a new opportunity to heal our community, one person at a time. Serenity Inns is an addiction treatment facility in Milwaukee, which treats men through all phases of addiction recovery: residential treatment, day treatment right across the street, and sober living two blocks away.

Please go to ethansfund.org to learn more about this special place. You can donate right from the webpage. If you have a loved one who is in recovery or who has lost their life to addiction, consider donating in their honor. Any amount will help a man reclaim his heart and soul back from addiction. We can't save our son Ethan, but I believe from my heart he is working through us to help save others!